


sirius black is a mess and sometimes it shows

by justaduelist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, a lot of fucking feelings, sirius is not okay and remus ain't either, they have really good friends tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 01:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14905820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justaduelist/pseuds/justaduelist
Summary: are you broken?are you ripped apart?are you everything you never wanted to become?





	sirius black is a mess and sometimes it shows

are you broken?  
are you ripped apart?  
are you everything you never wanted to become?

 

**sirius black is a mess and sometimes it shows**

"sirius-"  
"no, remus. just no."  
"but-" _i don't know what i did wrong_  
with that the black haired boy was gone, leaving remus behind.  
_so i did it, this time, he thought, i finally drove him away_

_i'm just a failure, a failure at living  
a failure at loving_

x

sirius was hurt and afraid but all he could feel was anger. anger boiling up in his chest, mind ready to explode - no; implode like the supernova he truly is. sirius black was hurt by nothing and afraid of something and he just can't think.  
he hears his brother (not regulus - james) calling his name but he can't breathe so he keeps running  
(running for breath never worked for sirius)  
james catches him a few seconds later (fuck his quidditch training), wrestling sirius to the ground  
"calm the fuck down, black!"  
sirius tried to throw him off but james held him down, _he needs to calm down._  
and he did. 

"everything's okay"

x

remus lupin was broken, but still fighting.  
lying there, tho, in his dormitory, on the cold hard floor, he might just stop this useless struggle.  
_i did it again._  
remus lupin was only pieces of himself and he might have just accidentally cut sirius open with one of his fragments (what he forgot was that sirius already was a bloody mess, and remus just accidentally touched a wound)  
so remus is just lying there, back hurting.  
_maybe my misery will just eat me up._  
(it already did, but the pain never stopped)  
peter came in at some point, helpless. the boy did what could be done, it wasn't much. so he lay down next to remus, silently, just so he didn't have to endure this alone.

it helped, in a way.

x

"you can't act like this towards remus"  
silence.  
"he didn't do anything, did he?"  
"i'm sorry"  
silence.  
"i just got so angry"  
james let go of sirius, just to wrap him in a hug.  
"it's all gonna be okay"  
sirius cried, and it was okay. for once in his life, he allowed himself to be weak.  
(crying isn't weak, but sirius doesn't know)

sirius hurts all over the place and he hates himself for sharing his hurt with remus in the ugliest of ways.

but everything's going to be okay.  
(just that it's not)

x

"you love him, don't you?"  
remus stared at the ceiling. 

x

when james dragged sirius back to the dorm the other boys were still lying on the floor in silence. but james didn't stay, and peter left shortly afterwards.  
remus didn't move. _(what a beautiful ceiling.)_

"im sorry i hurt you"  
remus whispered.  
sirius just stood there, looking at the boy in front of him.  
"you never did a thing"  
remus gaze shifted towards sirius'.  
(how bad those beautiful eyes could hurt)  
sirius lay down next to him.  
"im sorry. im a mess"

their hands entwined,  
and maybe that fixed them both for the time being. 

x

\- maybe  
\- not yet.  
\- it's starting.


End file.
